New Shala. New City. New Home.

Just a quick note to let you know that I'll be teaching mysore, led primary, beginners courses and workshops at The Yoga Shala in Orlando, Florida. I will also be doing bodywork and massage at the same location on the weekends! I hope you can all come and receive insight and healing at this new shala. My fall/winter class schedule is below. My workshops, classes and massage rates can also be found on my personal website. You can drop-in to any one of the led classes. To attend the mysore classes, you have to join the mysore program at one of the levels. You can go The Yoga Shala website for all the registration info. Classes are below!

Monday:

Beginner Series 5:45pm-6:40pm (4 Class Series begins October 19th! Pre-register)

Led Primary 6:45pm-8:15pm


Tuesday:

Mysore 5:30-8:00pm


Wednesday:

Mysore 5:30-8:00pm


Thursday

Mysore 5:30-8:00pm


Friday

Mysore 11:45-2:15pm

Saturday

Led Primary 8:30am-10:00am (starts Oct 24th!)

Sunday

Mysore 8:30am-10:30am

Saying Goodbye

The Stupa

Today is my last full day in Kathmandu. I fly out tomorrow evening. I’m sitting on a rooftop café looking out at the stupa and swarms of pigeons dancing about. I’m eating a breakfast of eggs, potatoes and a croissant. I’m drinking a latte. I can hear cymbals crashing and bells ringing from a nearby puja. The sky is thick with clouds but the sun is finding a way to pierce through open pockets to give me a little hopeful light.

For most of my time here, this stupa has been a 15 minute walk from the bed I slept in at IBA. I’m spending my final days at a guesthouse that is only about a 5 minute walk. I look out onto this scene and wonder how anyone could take this for granted. Even on my less then fabulous days, I made a point to kick myself out of my egocentric madness and looked up at the grandeur of what surrounded me. I would look into the eyes of passing Tibetans. I would look into the eyes of beggars.

When I see the tourists arriving to Boudha Gate and innocently paying for a ticket to enter (you totally don’t have to, but they don’t know that. Sometimes I just watch them and laugh), I pity that their understanding of this place is based on a quick afternoon visit. Living here adds a soulful dimension. You see the stupa at different times of day, during pujas and you can feel the differing energetic moods. The waiters get to know you at the cafés and you share a smile and a laugh. You haggle with vendors, telling them that you live here and therefore refuse to pay their inflated prices. You can run into the pigeons and watch them fly up for a few moments as you yourself pretend to fly with them. You have countless memories of doing kora around the stupa alone and with friends. You hear all the mantras you recited. You recall all your prayers.

There is something about hanging out in this culture of extremes that keeps my spirit awake. Wide awake. There is something about the neighborhood of Boudha that keeps me optimistic and in love. I don’t know how I’m going to handle returning to the Florida landscape of innumerable strip malls and manicured suburban enclaves, where you I'm offered every luxury except the enrichment of spirit. Having been raised in a military family that relocated a lot, I learned how to say goodbye at an early age. I learned how to say goodbye to my friends, home and the particular identity that I had created in that place. However, I think this goodbye is going to be hardest of my life. Actually, I know it is.

You gave my back my laugh. You gave me back my spirit. You gave me back my heart. You gave me back my dreams. You gave me back my poetry. You gave me back my humility. You gave me back my ability to be awed.

Thank You.

Evening views from Boudha

A Reflection Within Myself

Lake Phewa in Pokhara

For centuries using water as a spiritual metaphor has been of great use when describing complex ideas such as karma, awareness, creation and the emptiness of phenomena. I found myself finding this purpose in a body of water during recent trip to Pokhara, a beautiful town cradled by the Himalayas and Annapurna Mountain Range. The city moves at a much slower speed and can be reached by a 6 hour bus trip north-west of Kathmandu. I didn't realize how accustomed I had become to the crazy Kathmandu city vibe until I went to Pokhara and landed on it's beloved Lake Phewa. A boatman took me out to a Hindu temple resting on a small island in the middle of the lake. When I got there I looked out at the luminous reflections for a bit and eventually sat down and closed my eyes. I wanted to take a moment to see what was being reflected back within me. 

What I found was a lot of sadness. Sadness that I was leaving soon. Sadness that I couldn't know this place more intimately and sadness that my world in the U.S. was so far away from this one. The melancholy wasn't severe but it tinted the experience. 

The great sage of yoga, Patanjali says that our essential nature is obscured by the movements of consciousness which includes all those lovely senses that give us the experience of living. When the movements of consciousness are finally stilled,  formless awareness (which relates to consciousness like water reflecting the sky above) can finally reflect it's true and consequently, our essence. This essence is formless and free from the various guises of consciousness. The truth can finally be known in that moment. Water isn't sky. Water is reflecting sky. 

Even if someone disagree with this as an ultimate teaching, there is a great tool to be utilized here. It reminds the spiritual seeker that underneath sorrow there is no essential sorrow. That underneath happiness there is no essential happiness. That underneath confusion there is no essential confusion. There is no essential anything when it comes to emotions. They don't represent our true identity. They are just the play of sky above water. Suffering occurs when water forgets that what is reflected, is not it's true nature at all. This teaching takes a lot of fuel out of the emotional fire and allows one to  get closer to having a taste of, if not equanimity, at least the space between two crazy thoughts and their accompanying emotions. 

My time on Lake Phewa was a reminder that not only is the reflection of my consciousness valuable but also knowing that what is being reflected isn't as all powerful as it would have me believe. I am beyond my reflection. I am not the reflection at my core. 

I left Lake Phewa that day with a prayer on my lips. That I would be in it's watery embrace once again. And that I would be able to receive another teaching in it's reflection. Until next time...

  

Giving Thanks To A Dreamer

Ven. Kenchen Appey Rinpoche

Found of the International Buddhist Academy

When I went up to receive my certificate of completion and a kata by my teacher, Khenpo Jorden I felt a deep sense of connection and assimilation. The Madhamikya text we covered over these last two months was incredibly dense, laborious, precise, and sometimes just confounding. I was told that usually it takes a full year for the this text to be taught and is usually presented in the 9th or 10th year of a monks monastic training. I arrived to Nepal and to this course bright-eyed and totally ignorant of what I was getting my self into. The good news though, is that after this, it's going to make most other Buddhist reading seem like a piece of cake. It gave me an introduction to the philosophical base of Tibetan Buddhism as well as highlighting the importance that logic plays in analyzing the nature of self and creation. It also introduced me to the leading Sakyapa scholars as well as some major debating points between the Sakya and Gelug traditions.

During our last class today, Khenpo Jorden gave a small speech elucidating why he had decided to teach this text. I was surprised to find out that it was by the request of his own teacher and founder of IBA, Khenpo Appey. To see the reverence and love that Khenpo Jorden has for his teacher and how that bond inspired him to take on this enormous task was very inspiring. It was a reminder that the heart often propels the intellect.

During my time here, I was blessed to be able to witness a dharma teaching by Khenpo Appey who is currently retired from teaching. He spends most of his time quietly immersed in his practices. When word got out that he was coming, a huge crowd attended and I had the pleasure to meet him and offer him a kata after the teaching. Since IBA was his brainchild, I couldn't help but think of what kind of effort it must have took to find a way to not only build this amazing center but also find a way to teach very challenging philosophy to foreigners of all backgrounds and abilities. We all came here to study Buddhadharma but of course, the intricate design of life made this trip more complex, layered and rich. As my fellow students start to pack up their rooms and jump into taxis for home, further study or travel, in just 2 weeks new lay students and monks will be arriving for an intensive 15-month translator program and a leadership program for monastics. The place will be alive with new energy.

The constant turnover is yet another reminder of impermanence. However, the IBA, it's energy, rhythms and people have become part of my story now and I am eternally grateful.

Auspicious Signs

At Swayambhunath Temple

Sometimes images speak louder then words

I went to temple and there was a circular rainbow surrounding the sun obscured by clouds. That circle was directly above the spire on top of the stupa. Pigeons were flying. Offerings were being made. Newari men were chanting. Kathmandu rested below me. It's not too hard to figure out why I love this place.

Sacred Lineage: Gyana Vajra Rinpoche

Gyana Vajra Rinpoche

Picture by Rene Edde

As my time at IBA starts to wind down I've been going through pictures that I and my friends have taken during various events over the last 2 months. In August, IBA hosted a 10-day visit of Gyana Vajra Rinpoche, who is the youngest son of Sakya Trinzin the head of the Sakya lineage. Some of the Tibetan Buddhist traditions are carried on via reincarnation and other by hereditary lineage. The Sakya tradition is passed on by hereditary lineage but also has many recognized reincarnates within the lineage (see above). 

There was a lot of excitement on campus for this event. Visiting monks came from other monasteries to greet him and a huge crowd of monastics, Tibetans and students from Rangjung Yeshe (a neighboring buddhist studies school) came for a Manjushri initiation he gave at the end of his stay. From the beginning of this trip, the sites, sounds, rituals, language, symbols, and philosophy have been such drastic departure from my yogic studies. My friend Connie, a Tibetan Buddhist scholar likes to call me "The Little Hindu" on campus. I wear the title proudly. I'm such a fan of Vedanta and yet, I have such a respect for these Buddhists. A lot of us here are praying that we can find the funds and time to return here next year to continue to be a part of the IBA family. That is truly what it feels like here–a real family. The connections I've made here in 2 months far exceed those I made during my 6-month sojourn to Thailand. It's a bit of a surprise, but I'm eternally grateful. 

Since tomorrow is Sakya Trinzin's birthday I figured it was a good time to post this event on the Ol' blog. I hear that we are having a puja and birthday cake to celebrate Monday morning! Very excited about that. Thank you to the Sakya Lineage for receiving me with an open heart!

 

Love Sati

Offering a kata

Picture by Rene Edde

The puja in the shrine room. I'm on the far left, white top, black hair. This is the room where we have daily philosophy classes

picture by Rene Edde

When he arrived on campus

picture by Rene Edde

Awaiting his arrival with a kata

picture by Zara

Female Devotion In Red

A magic moment in the rain of Shiva's blessings

A new Nepali friend of mine told me that Sunday was the exciting celebration of Teej. This is the Hindu festival for women. It's the only time when men are not allowed to enter the temples. All the married women dress in red, the color of joy and devotion. The unmarried girls attend in saris of other colors. They feast on the first day of the holiday. On day two, they go to temple with offerings to (ironically) pray for the long life of their husbands and fast for 24 hours. During the second day there is lots of dancing and singing. The sacred location for the celebration is Pashupati River where the most sacred Hindu temple resides in Kathmandu. About 100,000 women stand in line for hours to get to the celebration site. It was outrageous!

I went to be overwhelmed and I was. I cried and danced and goosebumps covered my flesh when I first saw the mass of celebrating women. It was unreal. One woman came up to a friend of mine and addressed her as "sister." YES! They may have been praying for their men, but this was a powerful celebration of the feminine spirit! When the rain started to pour we were told that t was Shiva's blessing.

I can honestly say that those women, their faith, their power, their love, their devotion and their joy is what blessed me! Eternal Thanks!

Jai Shri!

Spiritual Resuscitation

In Bhaktapur

In both yogic and Buddhist traditions, there are fair warnings to the practicing disciple of potential “enemies” that will rear their ugly heads at some point along the spiritual path. Depending on what spiritual tradition you practice, the enemies include but are not limited to: desire, laziness, doubt, anger, delusion, fear, greed and egoism.  More often then not, teachers don’t seem to frame these potential pitfalls as a “if they happen” but rather, “when they happen.” Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the enemy of doubt.

Those who have walked the spiritual path before us know the structure of mind, with it’s habits and latent imprints that will rise up to protect it’s turf, when deeper dimensions of practice start to challenge it’s authority. Ego breakdown does not come easily after all. Effective spiritual practice knows that what feeds our suffering and what sets us free. However, to the chagrin of many students, just because these practices are put into motion, does not that all the enemies are completely eliminated or dissolved when they want and how they want.

I have noticed in my own experience, that poor habits and harmful emotional reactions tend to dissolve slowly, in a slow-burn fashion. This is overshadowed by the moments when a distinct and rather intense trigger sets off a fireworks display of nasty reactions that catches us off guard, sending in army of doubt to deal with. Immediately, a student will be tempted to point the finger at their practice, and not their own imbedded mental and emotional framework. We become plagued with doubt. With thoughts like “Is this working for me at all? Why is this happening again?  I thought this was over?” The ground underneath starts to feel unstable, one’s vision gets blurry. It is at this crossroads when a student may wish to abandon their practice to pick-up a new one. Yet, this juncture also as the potential to be one of the most valuable evolutionary leaps in a student’s spiritual practice.

Students of yoga practice, myself included, often underestimate the power of negative habit patterns on gross and subtle levels.  However, like the worn out cliché, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” is applicable here. If the student has the presence of mind to get still enough to find out what set off a trigger of doubt, there is the possibility of getting to the root of that mental imprint and ridding it altogether or at least prevent if from arising within certain contexts. When I was talking to a wise friend of mine, about this topic he said simply, “If you haven’t mastered riding a bike, what makes you think you won’t fall off?" Reflection on what caused the fall in the first place, is the work that creates wisdom and will give rise to a more balanced state of being in the future. If you haven’t mastered your chosen practice, what makes you think you are immune to what you are attempting to remedy? Abandoning practice is not the answer.

On one hand, it’s easy to view your spiritual practice in dualistic terms, separating the practice as this stable, unchanging structure and tradition that you can lean on as a reflective device, as if you were looking in a mirror. Yet, at other times, it’s more productive to view your practice as nothing more then one entity; you and practice are one. I always float between these perspectives.

Being in Kathmandu has given me a lot of quiet time to examine all the motivations that  brought me here and also review the causes and conditions that manifested my life since last summer. What I have been finding with my newfound Kathmandu clarity is that I succumbed to doubt. It came over me with a power that I had never experienced before. The doubt tipped me over and sent me flying for sometime.  It was of course, catalyzed by a series of bumps in my own personal road. With my trip here, I have found a buoyancy and strength that allows this realization to fully sink in. It’s as if I just climbed to the top of a large mountain and now all I have to do is sit and enjoy the view over the full spectrum of my consciousness–doubt and all.

Oddly, while I’ve been here in Kathmandu studying the very daunting Madhamikya philosophy, I’ve been inspired to pick up the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali again. I found a translation I didn’t have by Chip Hartranft, who casually compares the philosophy of Patanjali with that of Buddha throughout the text and in a small essay at the back of the book. The comparison between yogic and Buddhist philosophy is one of the many motivators that brought to Nepal, so I was really excited to find this copy. While perusing it in my room, I was reminded in sutras 1.17 and 1.18 that as the yoga practitioner starts to move toward stillness there are latent impressions that are left behind by one’s four kinds of cognition; analytical thinking, insight, bliss, and a feeling of an individual self. These impressions or imprints are dormant but also form the identity that is reborn into future lives. Chip remarks, “In Patanjali’s view, shared by Samkhya, once action leaves an imprint, it will eventually erupt into a new thought or action. It’s latency can even survive death and the body’s reabsorption into nature’s matrix, then carry over into a future rebirth.”  For these imprints to cease altogether means one has reached samadhi, which may take a few lifetimes. So, in the meantime, the practitioner needs to become very aware of when they are arising and be mindful of how not to empower the destructive tendencies. When doubt is at your door or any of the other enemies that challenge our spiritual practice; we cannot indulge them.

So in short, the advice of the sages is to get back on the bike. You fell. You had a meltdown. One of your nasty, negative imprints had a party in your psyche for a while. You can lament or you can continue what I consider to be the most worthy ride of one’s life. Get creative. Get determined. Get a sense of humor. There will be times when it’s easy to look for excuses around you. But the seeds of your triumph and destruction lie within. The wisdom teachings are there to remind us that we aren’t the first ones to give this a go; we aren’t the first ones to suffer, trip and fall. The wisdom teachings are also there to remind us that there is a path–many paths actually–and if you follow one to the end, you will be blessed to find what cannot be found here in this worldly realm. Along the way, you will get the chance to climb a few mountains within yourself. When you get to the crest of one, take a moment and breathe. Enjoy the view. That will be your spiritual resuscitation. Then continue on.

 

Om Shanti

Jai Shri

 

Thamel

Traversing the crazy neighborhood of  Thamel

Laughing Again. Playing Again. Loving Again.

Ani and I

Since I’ve here, I’ve been laughing everyday, more than anytime in my life. I have my sense of humor back. I’m playing again. I find myself doing simple things I never do back home and enjoying every minute. Walls are coming down and I’m dancing on the rubble.

I went to help the monks and staff pull-up weeds the other morning, getting my hands in the dirt while finding out that Tibetans feel that German grass is better then American grass. I was on my back laughing to tears when some IBA students were shooting basketballs while doing yoga poses at the same time. I’ve played badmitton with and rubbed the shaved head of the feistiest Buddhist nun out there. I’ve laughed so much before philosophy class that I’ve been stuck doing prostrations with cheeks that feel like they are going to explode. I arm wrestled a guy from Guadalupe in a restaurant while 13 of my IBA classmates cheered me on. He let me win, and then proceeded to win every match afterwards until a huge Nepali man from a neighboring table came over and killed his winning streak–the restaurant went wild..that was a good night.

In society there is codified devotional practice and intuitive, spontaneous action. When the heart is joyous it seems that every action becomes an act of devotion because we aren’t grasping the external for some sort of fulfillment but rather expressing an outpouring of internal riches, no matter how simple or sublime.

I wanted to get a photo with an amazing nun (see above) who I have fallen in love with here at IBA. She is a tiny thing with explosive energy who can do backbends and jumps around campus with the body mechanics of someone is who 25 years old. She makes us laugh every day and is always there to offer advice to us, “her babies” she calls us. She is both younger and wiser then most people on this earth. She is 65 years old. Even though she comes to IBA every year to study, she lives in California the rest of the year. I got an invitation to visit. I'll be there Ani.

Devotion at Work

Prostrations at the stupa

Evenings at Boudhnath Stupa is when devotion dances the strongest.  The heat of the day has subsided making way for bells, prayer wheels, chanting, prostrations, prayers, the fire of butter lamps dance, children laughing and the rolling of the beads. In this world, worship is on display not only at the stupa by also be it being integrated into daily activities. The low hum of mantras can be heard while carrying children, taking a stroll and running errands. In the district I’m staying in, there are as many monasteries as CVS pharmacies back home.

 The feel, touch, smell, look, and reality of spiritual devotion here is such a drastic departure from the U.S. In large areas of the U.S. there is a strong movement to make spiritual practice comfortable.  How comfortable, fashionable, trendy, exciting, and popular can churches become. How “cool” can it be made. Buddhists aren’t interested in converting a population or in popularity. That intention in itself belies the effort to stay humble and cultivating compassion for other’s differences.

 While transmission of spiritual lineages needs to stay relevant and understood, the devotees also need to step up to do the work as well. Spiritual practice isn’t easy, but from what I’m observing in my own country, they’d like you to think it is. Transforming your consciousness, dissolving old habits and pushing past delusion to get a glimpse of the ultimate truth is not for the lazy.

 Here you see the work. The emphasis on practice is one of the elements that I love about Buddhism and yoga. Here you see earnest attempts to stretch current limitations of hearts and minds to receive greater wisdom. You see it on their bodies. With the suggestion of a friend, I realized that the reason so many Tibetan Buddhist monks have such muscularly defined arms and strong upper body frames because of all the prostrations they do. The abrasive realities of daily life are juxtaposed with profound spiritual love.

 I had lunch with a Tibetan family a few day ago. While I was being served food with the utmost graciousness and love, there was a monk in the living room reciting prayers and ringing a bell. This was juxtaposed with the television playing bollywood music videos. I wondered if it annoyed the monk but I was told, “he has good concentration.” The first time I had visited this Tibetan home this particular monk had just finished a reciting a prayer that looked to be about 500+ pages long in the pecha (traditional Tibetan text) format. He had started early in the morning and had just finished when I had arrived in the evening for a quick visit. Now that is a prayer.

 

Small Joys. Big Difference.

Young monks playing at Kopan Monastery

In this place, I live with the wind. My windows stay open. My senses are no longer pacified by the controlled protocols of western life.

Self-imposed isolation is so easy in the U.S., especially if you live in the suburbs. You move from one contained environment to another; from your house to your car, to your job, to a big box store and back to your home. It’s totally fractured. It’s too easy not to know your neighbors. It’s easy to forget the common humanity of those who live around you.

On the streets of Kathmandu your senses are not pacified, they are exploited. I am learning to enjoy the turbulent ride. The independence of the children here is quite admirable and one of the elements of being on the streets that I’m really watching.

Kids learn street smarts very early here, you see 7 year olds or younger walking hand in hand around the neighborhoods, with no parent, traversing traffic, beggars, stray dogs, sacred cows, shopkeepers, monks and pot holes. They laugh and play and understand life in a way American children will never know. Some of them become monks, other go to school, some work in small shops as child labor well into the evenings. But the happiness in many of them is radiant.

Life is hard, but it is more intuitive. Yet, They don’t seem caught up in analyzing their situation, as much as living day-to-day and finding joy in the small things. They seem to be fine playing with each other in a field, throwing their shoes at each other. They don’t need the endless stream of things that Americans believe our children need. Lack of activity is not a problem. Running from stillness isn’t an occupation.

Since I live in the Boudha, the Tibetan neighborhood of Kathmandu, I’m surrounded by a lot of Tibetan children. When I do kora around the stupa, I get a chance to see the spiritual lives of these children. Sometimes the power of it leads me to near tears. Yesterday, I saw a small child with a walker almost running around the stupa on one leg to gain merit. He was smiling.

What the west can bring to these people isn’t our materialistic obsessions, our endless toys for distraction; but good ideas for installing infrastructure to lighten the load of daily living, keep them healthy and educated. However, as soon as doors open for western influence, it seems like a lot of the crap gets in with the good stuff and the disease of extreme capitalism starts to infect many innocent people.

I hear the valid complaints from locals who want to see major change in this country and city, but I see a lot I wouldn’t change. I see spiritual devotion that illuminates daily life. The kind that lives on the streets, and on the calluses of their fingers, heads and knees from prostrations. I see a culture that doesn’t feel the need to own so much “stuff” and spend a bunch of extra time maintaining it. They use that time to pray and put towards laughter and building relationships.

 In the time that I’ve been here, I find that I’ve broke out into spontaneous laughter with various strangers around the stupa numerous times–a toothless monk and an old woman selling butter lamps. Life here awakens my spirit. It challenges me. It makes me surrender to what I don’t understand fully but nevertheless,  see working around me in the spirit of it’s people.

 

Thank You Buddha. Thank You Dharma and Sangha. Thank You Kathmandu.

 

Sacred Turns at Boudhnath Stupa

Boudhnath Stupa

Prayers to the Wind

Prayers to the wind in Boudha

A few days ago my beautiful grandmother, Ann Elizabeth McKinley passed away peacefully in her sleep. It was only 2 days before her 84^th birthday. The news came to me late at night and some of my IBA friends were kind enough to offer conversation and hugs for as long as I wanted before falling asleep.

Khenpo Jorden and some of the resident monks led a puja in her honor the following night. Fruit and incense were given as offerings and about 20 of the IBA students showed up as well to pray and meditate while the monks chanted prayers for about 30 minutes. It was a beautiful way to honor this transition.

The prayers were to assist her soul during the time of Bardo following death, which is a transitory realm. The prayers guided her to the Buddha Amitabha and led her to a heavenly realm of light. It is in that realm she can receive instructions from the Buddha before entering her next incarnation. Khenpo instructed me to visualize her entering the pure light realm.

I kept asking myself about the timing of the situation. Why now, when I’m so far away from family? But during the puja, I realized why and the layers of meaning behind this trip started to peak through.

I love you grandma. I hope you heard our prayers.

  

Room with a View

Views from my room at the International Buddhist Academy
Kathmandu, Nepal

When I arrived in Kathmandu, I was thrust into outrageous poverty, unruly traffic, goats, potholes, dust, and a portion of the population in their vibrant diversity. Immediately after getting my entry visa I was scooped up by an airport employee (I hope) who grabbed my luggage and pulled me past some 50 people in the security line to a another airport official who asked simply, "are these your bags?" I said yes and he waved me thru. Of course, the bag snatcher wanted a nice tip for getting me in front of the line. I realized then that I had start thinking fast on my feet to navigate a place where everyone looks at you and sees dollar bills.

My pre-paid taxi driver was called, KT. He threw my bags in the back of a car that looked like it was made in the 1950's and flew me up windy roads. After 24 hours of plane travel, I actually enjoyed the daring ride with my life on solid ground. When I mentioned to him that in the U.S. we have lines that the cars stay inside, he replied, "If you follow lines it will take 2 hours to get where you are going. " I laughed. I couldn't argue.

The intensity of Kathmandu hit me so hard that I just observed in a mild disbelief. It's sensory overload. When we arrived at the gates of the International Buddhist Acadmy (IBA), they immediately were opened by a gate guard who appeared out of nowhere. We drove into the courtyard and into incredibly peaceful energy that felt as if I had just been transported to another dimension. Out walked a Tibetan Buddhist monk, who I later found out was Rinchen, originally from New Jersey. Small world.

They sat me down with some hot Nepali sweet tea and I waited for the registrar to arrive as I looked for something that felt mildly familiar..nothing. Wow. I'm here. I chatted with a student from France for a while and after being registered was introduced to the room that shall be my respite for the next 2 months.

I have an awesome view from my room and I took photos immediately. The area of town I'm in is called, Boudha which is the Tibetan Buddhist enclave with the largely Hindu Kathmandu. There are monasteries all over the place and there is one a stones through from my bedroom. It's now my official wakeup call..a 4:30am wakeup call. In addition to the the sounds of traffic, children, birds and barking dogs, the monastery provides a soundtrack of gongs, chimes, and Tibetan music. Every morning at 4:30 the gong begins it's stream of vibration. I've realized it's almost impossible NOT to be a morning person in this country. I guess you'd have to try really hard. Double earplugs perhaps.

My jet-lag has been really bad and the second day in I slept 14 hours and still find that my body clock isn't totally reset yet. The first 2 days I spent unpacking, meeting fellow students (it took me exactly 5 minutes to find another who practices Ashtanga Yoga), shopping for some basic needs, getting my bearings and sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.

Yesterday was the first day of classes. In short, my introduction to Madhyamikya Philosophy with Khenpo Dr. Ngawang Jorden makes me feel as if I've landed in philosophical paradise. In addition to him, I'm surrounded by people who love philosophy and love talking about dualism and non-dualism; Buddhist vs. Hindu philosophy, scripture translations over lunch. YES!

I found the nerve to get up and ask Khenpo a question on our review class the first day. To be able to have his knowledge at my disposal for the next 2 months is largely why I came here. He is so detailed in his lectures that on the first day we only covered 1 1/2 pages on the first day. Today was pretty much the same. Slow going but the material requires it. There are so many layers and contexts to be understood.

The protocol for class is that you arrive at least 5 minutes early to the shrine room and do 3 prostrations to the Buddha if you wish. When the teacher enters you stand and bow your head until he reaches the front of the room. He then does 3 prostrations and most of the students do them again along with him. We then recite The Heart Sutra in Tibetan (yeah, working on that one) and several other prayers to other gurus. We then meditate for a few minutes that he marks with a gong and he begins to lecture. Good stuff.

When we have our revision class in the afternoon we do the same thing (minus prayers) and he summarizes the morning teaching and the floor is open for questions for him to answer. There are 2 microphones set up so you have to stand and walk to one to ask him. The overall energy is really great. The energy is of genuine interest and love and it's great to see such a diverse student body all come to study dharma.

I also started Tibetan language class yesterday taught by a spunky, modern Tibetan gal who knows how to use an hour and cover a lot of material leaving me at least, feeling totally overwhelmed. Tibetan IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. But I'm going to give it my best. It requires at least 1 hour of additional study a day.

I'm back to the mat and it feels so fantastic. Thank You Ashtanga Yoga! Of course I'm practicing on a paper thick travel yoga mat that has amazing grip but no cushion to speak of. It will take some time to adapt since I'm practicing on stone floor.

This is what my schedule is looking like:

7am Breakfast
8am Philosophy Class
9:30 Tea Break
10:00 Tibetan Language
11:00 open
12:00 Lunch
1:00-2:15 Study
2:30 Philosophy Review Class
3:30-6:30-Yoga, Shower, Chill
6:30 Dinner
Evenings are for meditation, homework and laughs

*Mondays are days off. Sundays there is no Revision class.

I did venture out one day to see the grand Boudhanath Stupa but it was on route to buy some necessities and I didn't meander. When I head back into town again I'll be sure to take more photos and post soon.

Well, more later!
Peace
Sati

Mr. Muhammad

I’m sitting the International Doha Airport, in Doha, Qatar. My eyes and head are heavy with fatigue and my stomach is confused. I’m desperate for a bed and a shower but my flight to Kathmandu doesn’t depart for another 2.5 hours.

My 13 hour flight to Doha left me dehydrated so I’m chugging down bottles of water and contemplating the fact that I’m in the Middle East, a part of the world I never thought I’d step foot on. The desert landscape was quite an image to behold while landing. I’ve never seen the desert stateside (on my list of things I really want to do) but I just landed on the motherload of desert. On my return flight in September I’m scheduled to stay at a hotel n Doha so hopefully I’ll be able to explore the city on foot a bit. I’m watching Muslim woman as black swaths of floating entities, only eyes.

When I nestled into seat 35 B on Qatar Airways flight from Washington D.C. to Doha there was a older man sitting by the window. The seat in between us was empty. When his cane fell from the baggage compartment up above, I offered to put it up more securely. That broke the ice and I soon found out that I was sitting next Muhammad, a 64-year old Pakistani Muslim and American citizen with a vibrant history.

He was a very passionate man, wanting to pass the wisdom he had gained in his years. The words that he had for me were apropos (and incidently, aligned with yogic and Buddhist philosophy) when he said, “The future is a mystery. The past is history. Now is the gift! God is One!”

To hear those words and love those words is one thing. To realize them is quite another. That is perhaps why the universe would have me sit next to Mr. Muhammad. To remind me that as I ventured into the unknown, there was indeed nothing to be afraid of.

I've Got My Head Turned West

I've got my head turned West
Soul in the East
Somehow I got stuck in between
Feeling foreign in a familiar land

The Gita calls me home
To a subtle plane

The Price?

Listen.
Listen.
Listen To Me.

Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois Leaves His Physical Body

Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois
July 26, 1915-May 18, 2009

Forever in my heart...

A Tibetan Story...For Me

On my recent trip to Islamorada, Florida to study Ashtanga Yoga with Sharath Rangaswamy, I met a Tibetan woman who made me cry and opened my heart. The only thing more unusual then going to the Sport Fishing Capital of the U.S.A. to study Ashtanga Yoga with teachers from India, is to run into a Tibetan woman while I was there. No accident, I’m sure.

In recent years I’ve been wanting to know more about the historical plight of Tibet under Chinese occupation, the culture of it’s people, The Dalai Lama and Tibetan Buddhism. Reading books, watching documentaries and meeting those who practice Tibetan Buddhism has only fanned this flame growing within me. It has seemed as if the Tibetan people have been reaching out to me. The first time was a few years ago when a Tibetan monk located at the Sera Jay Monastery in Mysore, India read my online blog and emailed me wanting to become pen pals. My correspondence with him has been a blessing, if not a total surprise at the beginning. Having a dialogue with Tenzin has kept me more attuned to a monk’s daily struggles to have their basic necessities met so they can pursue dharma study. To learn more about the place Tenzin calls home, you can go to the website: www.serajeyngari.org.

During my trip in the Florida Keys, I walked into an Asian restaurant with my travel partner, Shivani to fulfill our joint yearning for sushi. We were greeted by our hostess a very beautiful and vibrant girl. She immediately looked at Shivani’s Buddha necklace I had given her a few months ago. She smiled at us said, “That is a Tibetan Buddha. I am Tibetan.”

We remarked how surprised we were as she guided us to our table. We both wanted to talk to her. I felt this deep pulling to say something but wasn’t quite sure where to begin. Then out of nowhere she just squatted down beside our table and after asking us if we had ever been to Tibet and proceeded to share her story with us. She was able to convey her journey incredibly well considering she had only started learning English 8 months ago. Her story was deeply moving. It was a tale of persecution, protest, love, adventure and hope. I’ve decided not to detail the story here for various reasons but it is truly a triumph of love. The Chinese government has cut the phone lines to her parent’s home in Tibet so she cannot speak to them and she can never return to Tibet under the current regime. Yet, despite her hardships she was incredibly grateful for where she was in her life at the moment. My own stupid personal barriers prevented me from seeking her out and embracing her as we left the restaurant. I really wish I had, because I felt as if she gave me something precious. It’s hard to put into words clearly other then to say, it’s like an experience of emotional abundance.

Since our meeting I’ve had two dreams about her. And so, more signs continue to guide my way. Maybe this part-time quest will morph into a full-time one…we’ll see. In the meantime, I continue to be inspired by the strength of the Tibetan people, who have suffered torture and genocide, who have lost their country and still have retained their spiritual and cultural legacy as it is now scattered across the earth.

Peace and Love 

The Jocks and The Nerds

In my studies of Buddhism in both Theravada and Mahayana Buddhist Traditions, I always leave my cushion in awe of this tradition’s unbelievable understanding of the human mind. From the Buddhist perspective, we cause our own joy and our own suffering, regardless of external circumstance–period. Once we dig into the wellspring of the mind (via wisdom teachings and direct insight through meditation) and start to understand how and why this happens, unending joy and bliss comes forth.

I was recently watching an interview with Ashtanga Yoga Master and scholar, Richard Freeman and he said that the yogis and Buddhists are “the jocks and the nerds” of the spiritual quest. He also said that both are at end of the day, pointing to the same truth. It’s reasurring to hear that beyond thousands of years of historical, ritual, practical, conceptual and linguistic differences–the same space was found by both–yogis and Buddhists. I figure the same space was found by the great Christian and Islamic mystics as well. But the connection between yoga and Buddhism really interests me because the more I study, the more I realize that these two schools of spiritual exploration were for many, many, years not isolated from each other but rather, deeply entwined and influenced by each other–through scholarly contact or by monks and yogins bumping into each other while practicing in Himalayan caves or dense Indian jungles. The Buddha himself was a practitioner of Samkhya Yoga! There was indeed contact, even though at first glance the two traditions do not hang out in the same philosophical school (i.e. soul vs. no soul, god vs. no god, etc…) when you scratch the surface, what you often find are not arguments of fundamental reality as much as linguistic and pedagogic differences.

It’s a new world for me but an interesting one as I compare and contrast and love the ride of exploring where Mind, God, Purusha, Emptiness, Brahman & Allah reside. Sometimes I like to imagine that they are the same entity (or non-entity) sitting at a café, drinking a latte and having a good laugh at our arguments over it all. Who knows…maybe.

From Slums to Samadhi

Maybe many of you who also saw the movie, Slumdog Millionaire felt the same way I did upon leaving the movie theater: emotionally exhausted and obsessing over the idea of how to open an orphanage to save all the children living in the slums of India. It seems that lately, I’ve been bombarded with images of human suffering…especially those of children. From Afghan school girls who had acid thrown on their faces for going to school to little Tibetan monks struggling with Hepatitis to the slum kids of India, I cannot help but wonder if it’s possible to be a yogi and not adopt a needy child out there in some fashion at some point in our lives.

A lot of my friends are having babies lately, and if they aren’t pregnant, they want to be. And while I’m told we females are genetically designed to want to procreate, to date, I have had no desire whatsoever to give birth. The mere idea of it instills a deep aversion. However, when I see so many children who are already on this planet without families, homes or even a basic shot at happiness I feel that all humans must be genetically inclined to want to help at some level.

This period of time in the U.S. has been filled with major social paradox. The jubilation and optimism with the inauguration of our new president and all the new dreams that come with his administration, juxtaposed with the reality that many of us are struggling to pay our bills and keep the basic foundation underneath us. I myself have felt the pinch (or punch as it sometimes feels) of our weakening economy but then I open a magazine or newspaper and see images of a family cramped together in a Winnebago because they lost their house; I exhale and emotions of deep gratitude overwhelm me. I’ve got a roof. I’ve got food. And I’ve got a lot more than that too.

I have often experienced that the darkest moments seem to precede the most brilliant light so this may be a good time for yoga practitioners to step up and move beyond the bubble that defines their daily existence and reach out to those in need. What’s great is that the yoga community is creating easy ways to become active by forming organizations that integrate one’s yoga with activism and charitable engagement.

If you are interested helping anyone, anywhere get on the firm ground that you yourself enjoy. Sponsor a monk, nun, child, adult or even a tree because giving from the heart is in itself an act of receiving.

 

Peace & Love

 

Paradigm Shift

Asheville, North Carolina 11.15.08

In 2008 I chanted a lot of Sanskrit and said a lot of prayers. I voted early and stayed up late on November 4th. I graduated from The Florida School of Massage and passed the national board exam to become a Licensed Massage Therapist. I prostrated at the feet of the living guru of Ashtanga Yoga, Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois and took class with his daughter, Saraswathi Rangaswamy at the historical grand opening of the Ashtanga Yoga Institute U.S.A. I delved deeper into my personal yoga practice with my friend and teacher, Tim Feldmann in Miami. I attended a 10-day Vipassana Meditation retreat. I was front row and 4 feet away from music goddess, Ani Difranco live in concert. I graduated the second class of aspiring yoga teachers through the Yoga Life Yoga Teacher Training Program. I was featured in a national ad campaign for lululemon athletica. I worked too hard and got sick too much. I got my first chemical peel (ouch!). I took part in a gay rights demonstration. I visited Asheville, North Carolina. I was exposed to new philosophical models for teaching, communication, and therapeutic relationships. I ate amazing noodle soup. I co-taught a mysore program with friend and colleague Caroline McMahon. I was able to sit and receive the healing sounds of John Shannon by candlelight and dance to a drum circle under the stars.

I waged war. I made peace. I fought. I surrendered. I cried. I screamed. I loved. And I loved some more.

2008 was quite a year.

Love
Sati

A Thought For The New Year

Karandavasana

"Life is a pilgrimage. 

The wise man does not rest by the roadside inns. 

He marches direct to the illimitable domain of eternal bliss, his ultimate destination. "

-Swami Sivananda

The Way of The Master: No Perfection. Only Pursuit.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what qualities make a master. By master, I mean someone who has achieved an extremely evolved level of practice, precision, discernment and execution in a craft. I was watching the T.V. show, No Reservations by Anthony Bourdain on the Travel Channel recently. In this particular episode he visited Japan. While there, he traveled all over the country to visit masters of various realms such as sushi, Kendo, Ikebana…etc. They had all dedicated themselves to a single art for the majority of their life and the seemingly endless-pursuit of perfection. Watching them in action you could see what they were after wasn’t just some idealized form, but an embodied understanding of self, spirit, and nature through their craft over 50, 60, 70 years of practice. Just observing them teach and practice through the T.V. screen was powerful, so I could only imagine how humbling it was to be in their presence.

Throughout the show Anthony asked all these masters the same question, “Does perfection exist?” Surprisingly (or maybe not) they all responded with the same answer. They said they weren’t sure, but if it did, they had never reached it.

This little t.v. moment just reaffirmed what I had always believed; that the world’s greatest masters are also the most humble. It seems that mastery is only achieved by those who never claim or believe themselves to be masters. They are eternal students even while they have become world-renown teachers in their own right. For these guys each day must hold the potential of unknown possibilities. There is no end. No boredom. Only creative potential.

I personally believe that any idea of perfection is totally relative. It is an idea. A form. But there is no ultimate form and no ultimate idea. Classic yoga philosophy would say this is so because we live inside form which infinite and impermanent. The only Ultimate Perfect Anything is that which is not form, known in yoga as Purusha, which is described as pure, all-pervading consciousness. Perhaps, these Japanese masters all aim (knowingly or not) to experience that source of infinite, spacious consciousness by focusing on their chosen form with such unwavering attention that they pierce through it’s temporal nature and see Purusha; using the mind as one does during meditation. So, maybe the sushi man is meditating or maybe the sushi man is even Enlightened!

This understanding resonates within me deeply regarding my own creative and spiritual practices. One of my favorite singer, songwriters, Ani Difranco wrote, “Humility has buoyancy” and I couldn’t agree more. I know it’s a great paradox (among many) but mastery seems to be the journey that never ends and the seeker that never finds. The fact that this eludes most of is, keeps the gods laughing I imagine. Great masters are living reminders that we should not get tied to a static idea or image of perfection but rather, enjoy the endless pursuit of obtaining deeper, more refined levels of awareness. This applies to yoga practice and all that it entails from asana to meditation. Don’t perfect an asana. Pursue it. Don’t perfect your breath or your concentration but pursue the ever-unfolding journey deeper into it. There is no end to insight. Don’t pretend there is.

OM Peace
Sati

Looking Forward. Staying Present. And Everything In Between.

The Stream In Which We Flow

The Stream In Which We Flow
By Sati Chmelar

The great yogic sages have all made a point to speak to all earnest students of the inevitability of change and the impermanent nature of life. Essentially, change IS life itself and we live our lives as a series of beginnings and endings in thought, action and feeling. You’d think that since we came out of the womb subject to this law, humans would get a little better at learning how to paddle in the stream of impermanence in a way that reduces suffering and increases joy…you’d think wouldn’t you?

It’s not that the tools aren’t there. We have been given so many spiritual practices and the accompanying wisdom to learn how to swim in the stream of life. We’ve also been given instructions on how not to cling to other swimmers and how to successfully avert large obstacles that may be lodged in the center of the stream in which we flow.

Of these, the practice of meditation has been a major point of focus precisely because it’s the practice that targets the nature of our mind with the most pristine force. Meditation as it is taught by the great teachers has nothing to do with lowering blood pressure or decreasing stress (as these are just nice byproducts) but ultimately allowing one to slowly get closer and closer to truly seeing the truth of impermanence in all manifest existence and to pierce through it to find one’s true self held in the arms of the only permanent thing–God. The word used for God in yogic scripture is Ishvara in the Samkhya philosophical school and Brahman in the Vedantic schools.

Brahman is never born. It never dies. It knows no sorrow because it never clung to anything for joy. And why would it cling if it is the essence of all things and therefore, any “thing” would be a partial and incomplete aspect of the Ultimate Self. Brahman is beyond contrast. It is beyond any concept of the mind. Therefore, we must pierce through the very nature of the thing that prevents us from seeing and experiencing this truth, which is the mind. In meditation we eventually find a door and open it to see Brahman. You see that your true eternal self is Brahman.

But until then, our minds and bodies are subject to the stream of impermanence. We suffer. We cling. We sing. We dance. We desire. We collapse in pain. We search to find something and when we find it, we search for something else.

I was asked recently in an interview for a magazine article what I thought was a vital part of health and wellness. I sat in silence for a moment and the first and seemingly most important, essential element came to me: “Self-awareness,” I said. The spiritual journey begins with self-awareness. The journey towards a decrease in personal suffering always begins with self-awareness. Embracing the principle of impermanence of life can only truly be done when each individual starts to reflect on life and not just impulsively move through it. We cannot change our suffering if we do not truly see that it is our lack of surrender and cooperation with natural law that causes it. If we start to become observant and less reactive we give ourselves a chance to change patterns of suffering we have created in this stream of impermanence we call life.

I recently experienced a lot of major change in my life. Within a several week period my career, home and several personal relationships were subject to a stream of change at a greater speed and force then I’m used too. While I may be a bit dreamier then most Capricorns, my foundation-loving nature was still shaken up a bit. Even though these changes were all intended and welcome I found myself searching for the feelings and thoughts that usually carried me throughout the day and they just weren’t there. I was responding to my new environment on an intuitive level and the images, smells and feelings were all brand new. The definition of myself was undergoing a major overhaul while my mind was searching for the it’s well-worn habit patterns of being. Even though I was facilitating change, I found myself still resisting change, which meant ultimately, that I was resisting the very nature of life (Suffering 101).

I was full-swing in the stream and I needed to return to my asana and meditation practice so I could flow again.

When I finally got back to my mat, this time on the 3rd floor balcony of my new apartment I did the same old beautiful Ashtanga practice for the first time off solid ground. I was disorientated at first and felt a shadow of fear rise up. But then I realized that my drishti was sky, which was a vantage point I had never really experienced before. The breeze hit my face and I realized that everything was going to be OK. I felt my stability-loving nature be given a buoyancy. I stopped clinging and started surrendering to impermanence and then I sat down to meditate.

“I find people complaining that they do not find time for worship or meditation. But I feel, and everybody knows well, they always get sufficient time for their illness, worries and physical needs. The reason is that all these things are of greater importance to them than the Divine duties.”

-Ram Chandra

“The mind alone is the cause of bondage and liberation among humans”

-Amrita-Bindu-Upanishad

“The stream of the mind flows in two directions. It flows toward the good and it flows towards the bad…restriction of the whirls of the mind is dependent on dispassion and discernment.”

-Yoga Bhashya

The Grand Opening of AYRI U.S.A....Finally!

My students, sister and I with Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois and his daughter,
Saraswathi. March 23, 2008.

On March 23, 2008 a momentous occasion occurred on the small island of Islamorada off the southern coast of Florida. It was the grand opening of the new Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute U.S.A. The event was of great historical significance as this is the only other official location of AYRI outside of Mysore, India, where the founder, Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois has been living and teaching since the 1930’s.

After two cancellations (due to ill health) the living Guru of Ashtanga Yoga, Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois, his daughter Saraswathi and his granddaughter Sharmila came to officially bless and open the new center. There was a beautiful grand opening party that included time to give respect and speak with Guruji, hear speeches by several people including Eddie Stern from New York, traditional Indian dance, Hindu puja, and a huge buffet of Indian food. The energy of that first night was really warm and inviting. The crowd was smaller so it felt like a private party. There were children dancing around, old friends in embrace and new friends being made amidst loving conversation.

It was my first time in the presence of Guruji and the minute I walked into the room I was shaking and in tears. After years of wishing and hoping, I finally was able to experience his loving presence and bow to his feet in absolute gratitude for all he has done to carry on this great and penetrating tradition. After the party, there were three days of led primary series classes. Those classes were packed out, making some students practice in adjoining rooms to the main shala. Seeing the crowds that came for class made me especially grateful I was able to experience the intimacy of the opening party.

Each day of class Guruji seemed to have more energy. He opened each class with the invocation and on the last day managed to do the closing prayer as well. He would alternate between napping and then lunging forward in an intense gaze on day 1. On day 2 he led the counting for the opening sequence of postures but got a little confused and Saraswathi took over. On day 3 Guruji was on fire and called the entire opening sequence strongly and kept calling even after Saraswathi started to take over. He didn’t want to stop and Saraswathi and Sharmila both had words with him in their native tongue at which point he let go of the reigns. Experiencing the family dynamics and transference of power between Guruji and Saraswathi made me feel as if I were witnessing a major evolutionary shift in the history of yoga.

Each day made my heart move between distinct sensations of sadness and joy. The reality of Guruji’s age juxtaposed with the excitement of finally being in his presence made me feel as if I had to say hello and goodbye in the same meeting. What kept me strong was the sparkle in his eyes and his smiles and laughter. Saraswathi’s presence was really bright and and humorous. Her counting was strong, balanced and even. She cracked a few jokes during practice sending the entire room of 175+ yogis into giggles. Feeling such a strong female lineage in the room really appealed to me. After each class there was free chai tea waiting in the kitchen and people would go up to Guruji and Saraswathi to give thanks, take photos and get autographs. After class on the last day there was an explosion of applause and a standing ovation. Saraswathi announced that she and the family would be back as soon as possible and that she was very excited to return to teach. Eddie said that “This is just the beginning of Ashtanga in Florida” and that all upcoming events and classes would be posted on the AYRI website.

In retrospect, the event was about transition on so many levels. It was being at the cusp of something new, giving respect and offering myself humbly to something old, and trying my utmost to accept the present moment with unconditional love.

Jai Shri
Sat Guru
Maharaj ki

Jai!

Before led primary

One of the many beautiful family portraits on the walls

Saraswathi, Guruji and family!

For The Joy It Brings

"I do it for the joy it brings, cause I'm a joyful girl. Cause the world owes us nothing and we owe each other the world."

-Ani Difranco

Getting Intimate with Intermediate

Yoganidrasana Take 1

Yoganidrasana Take 2

A few teachers have told me that in a lot of ways I'm not your typical Ashtangi. Why? Well, I'm not one to want to move ahead in a series–which I hear is rather rare. I also have a pretty colorful, emotional, and in some ways, fantastical relationship to my asana practice.

For one, I talk to my poses and turn them into people. I also work at building intimacy with each asana and ultimately the series in terms of years, not weeks or months. Essentially, while I know that my practice is a mirror for the relationship I have with myself, I find that I also view the asanas and the series as I would human relationships. There is the "acquaintance," the "buddy," the "friend," the "good friend," the "best friend," and the "lover." When I first meet a pose that is rather scary and challenging that pose temporarily is the "someone I'd rather not hang out with." This approach came about organically but it works well because being a good human being and observing how I relate to an asana becomes one in the same.

After years of practicing primary series, learning Ashtanga in a non-mysore setting, refining my practice alone, not moving ahead to play with the next series, I've nurtured a very intimate relationship with Primary Series (a.k.a. Yoga Chikitsa or 1st Series). When I finally entered into the mysore room and was brought into Intermediate Series (a.k.a. Nadhi Shodhana or 2nd Series) I felt tentative. On one hand I was excited. On the other hand I felt like I had a lot of new relationships to build and I would often get the next pose from a teacher before my desired level of intimacy was had with the previous pose. While I would make a good celebratory sound when a breakthrough happened (those are always fun days), on a deeper level of consciousness, I fought and rebelled against the new 2nd series dance I was being asked to embrace. After all, I had so many memories, so much history, so many tears and laughter and joy with Primary Series. Primary had become a hard-earned, fluent ride of breath, ease and total love.

Ultimately, I realized that I was going to have to acknowledge a certain death. The death of Primary Series and even a combined Primary and Intermediate Series no longer being my daily practice. The nature of life is that change is constant and flux is the fuel for evolution on the manifest plane. Except it with grace and you won't suffer. I had to let go and make peace with this law of nature. I had to start getting excited to meet and hang out with Intermediate Series daily. Once this finally happened my practice opened and softened (big surprise).

However, I cannot forget that I still get to visit my beloved Primary Series once a week. I get to teach it several days a week and that is pure joy. Intermediate has brought me some lovely gifts thus far, including a favorite pose, Yoganidrasana. Yep. It's comfy folks.

While I'm currently passing through deep emotional spaces within Pincha Mayurasana and Karandavasana, I see that Intermediate Series isn't going to take any of my fear-based crap and that is nice to know. We all need a friend to call us out on our self-defeating patterns and Intermediate might just be that friend for me.

Make Space For Your Soul

Musician and Mystic John Shannon

One of my best friends and fellow yogini Caroline McMahon and her partner, John Shannon are out on tour right now for John's new solo CD, American Mystic. Caroline sings back-up to John's gentle, stirring, poetic landscapes. His sound is ethereal and his message is one that all yogis and ardent spiritual seekers are familiar with; we are ONE. Beyond the apparent duality of our existence, there is one underlying reality which is One Voice. One Consciousness. One Creation. One Spirit. One eternal nothing that gave birth to the illusion of so many somethings. Listening to this album is like listening to a sonic dialogue between Krishna and Arjuna from The Bhagavad-Gita. I hear the seeking of Arjuna. I hear the wisdom of God incarnate, Krishna. 

I have been playing the album at the end of my Ashtanga Yoga classes during savasana. When I hear the songs at this particular time there is even a deeper resonance. His words seem to reinforce the efforts of all the resting yogis in the room. They know it. I know it. And a communion of intention occurs. 

I hope to share this music with you all. The album is released in the U.S., France, Germany, Austria, and Switzerland April 29. You can download the CD on i-tunes or pre-order the CD now at most major locations such at Amazon, Borders  and Barnes and Noble.

Go to John Shannon's Site to hear a few of the songs or click on the album title above to see the record label's website. I'll be posting more news here!

"I believe in the awakening power of song." 

-John Shannon

Getting Quiet. Getting Ready to Dissolve.

Cotton field we drove by on our way to retreat

I'm back from my 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat as taught By S.N. Goenka in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin. My dear friend and I both attended the Dhamma Patapa Center that just opened in south Georgia near Jesup (i.e. in the middle of nowhere!) The center only had 3 buildings constructed and currently can hold 30 students. There is a small registration building, the dining hall and the main Dhamma Hall with adjoining dorms for both men and women. The center has purchased a lot of acreage and has plans for expansion eventually housing up 100 students. While humble compared to other centers (I heard) it was sparkling new and the paint colors and furniture were all warm and soothing.

After registration and settling into our appointed rooms we had an orientation where we could ask questions before the rule of Noble Silence was put into action. I won't go into detail but there A LOT of rules and regulations in Goenka's retreats including no forms of communication (speaking, gaze or gesture) no reading, writing, or physical activity except walking. I was told that other centers take your car keys and lock the center gates (our center didn't have a gate). While anyone can really leave is they wish to, the staff do make it known that they expect you to fulfill your initial 10 day commitment. Alot of the living rules mimiced thse found in a monastic environment, yet aura of this particular retreat struck me as much more severe then when I had studied Vipassana for a few days with Buddhist monks in Thailand. In Thailand we were able to mix sitting and walking meditation and we were allowed to practice yoga asana as well. There was also an incredible feeling of love and peace the prevaded my previous experiences that I didn't feel at this center.

Obediance to a moral code, no forms of self-expression and communication, 11 hours a day of meditation and a highly regimented schedule were all created to assist in purifiying and focusing the mind. The only distraction IS your own mind! Yet, despite this removal of factors, I found myself unable to fully relax into my meditation practice. The tension of the place and the reality of being watched at all times didn't help. There was one female manager for the female meditators and male manager for the male meditators. They tell you at the beginning that the manager serves the purpose of helping you with any issues that arise regarding accommodation, health etc...Yet, it became clear that the manger was also a watch-dog of sorts who would enter your room unannounced, without knocking to make sure you were meditating in your room at specific times. The course teacher is only allowed to be spoken to at specific times of day for private interviews or questions. Yet the teacher is not given any real power to speak or teach from his/her personal experience. It seemed like our teacher only "checked in" and reiterated what Goenka had just taught. That lack of communion with a teacher in the room seemed a little odd.

The 10-day course and meditation instruction was totally led by Goenka via audio and video recordings. The teaching of the technique was the most meticulous I had ever come across and I appreciated the detail. Day by day, there was a slow progression/evolution of theory and practice. Every evening there was a video discourse (about an hour long) by Goenka. These discourses ended up being my favorite part of the retreat. I found Goenka to be insightful, sharp, funny, learned, passionate and a great story-teller. However, I also found him as having a few blind-spots, especially in regard to the power of Vedantic teachings and other forms of meditation that he feels, do not work at the deepest level of mind and therefore, do not fully liberate a person. I feel that meditative discipline is varied because personal constitutions vary and therefore one (as he did) may be more constituionally aligned with Vipassana meditation while another student may find great success with japa meditation in the dissolution of the ego. There were many enlightened masters before Buddha and many after (who didn't practice Vipassana I dare say) and there is no doubt that enlightened awareness is also an outcome of devotion and grace, not just scientific method. Goenka's nature seems to rejoice in a more linear exploration of spiritual practice and therefore it made a lot of sense to me that the emotionalism of a bhakti practice didn't deliver him as far as his Vipassana practice.

For all of Goenka's talk of non-secular and universality of technique that should be accessible to all, he forgets that the diversity in this manifest world is the face of universality and therefore, no one technique, even if innately effective, should inspire every spiritual seeker in the known world. No more then Ashtanga Yoga should be touted as the only effective asana practice that purifies the body. Oddly, I found out at the end of the retreat that one fellow student came to study at the Georgia center because she had been denied entrance at another center due to being a Reiki practitioner! Apparently, a policy at some centers (if not all) will not accept Reiki practitioners, saying that historically, they have seen that Reiki folk have bad experiences with the Vipassana technique. I don't know if Goenka personally endorses this policy but if he does he'll have to say that Vipassana is for all people "except Reiki practitioners."

Because of the what I often felt like was, prison-like energy of the place I wasn't able to fully surrender. A part of me rebelled internally to the repressive energy. Day 1 and 4 were downright traumatic. Day 6 was really tough. I passed through some really heavy emotions during the retreat. I kept thinking to myself, "If Goenka or even Buddha himself was a woman this whole set-up would be different." If a female were at the helm I imagined a greater softness and pliability in the living style and a more nurturing approach to the communication of the teachings. Granted, If I hadn't already had many transcendent spiritual experiences in other formats from other forms of seated meditation to creative process, perhaps I would believe that this format was required for one to purify the mind, dissolve the ego and taste pure emptiness/consciousness leading to liberation.

I’ll take Goenka’s own advice, “Trust your own experience.” My experience tells me that Goenka’s method and interpretation of the Buddha’s teachings is a path among many. His reiteration of so many of the Buddha’s teachings in the Pali Canon remind me how pragmatic the Buddha was and how much his teachings truly do reach beyond so many cultural boundries to bring rich rewards. Goenka’s discourses gave me a lot academically and philosophically. My time on the cushion gave me some much-needed intimate time with my own mind and heart. I had a few signficant releases/realizations during this retreat. For this I am very thankful. I look forward to continuing my study in Vipassana but I will probably be returning to study in the monastic setting of Theravada and Tibetan Buddhist traditions.

It is very clear to me that the heart has to drive my spiritual practice. Even if I choose to practice something that is very rational, scientific and tedious; it is essentially the heart, a sense of loving that drives and maintains my practice. I love that the Buddha felt love was the key too.

"Whatever grounds there are for making merit productive of a future birth, all these do not equal a sixteenth part of the liberation of mind by loving-kindness. The liberation of mind by loving-kindness surpasses them and shines forth, bright and brilliant.”
~ The Buddha